what day is it and did you see me today?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
