being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
