what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I need to calm my uterus...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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