how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
