his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
