I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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