I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
