Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
