Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
