He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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