I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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