Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
