Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
