I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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