we're blogging at a bar
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize