Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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