Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I am naked and annoyed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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