My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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