**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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