I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
