Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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