marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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