sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
