found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
