i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
