we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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