i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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