I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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