Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
