break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
