His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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