I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
