just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
