then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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