no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We have so much sex to catch up on
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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