in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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