I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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