Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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