one might say we're banned from that church
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
