You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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