my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize