Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
