Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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