Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
