My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We are all done wearing pants today
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
