Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
