It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
