My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
