I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
