Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
