My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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