then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
