He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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