Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
