She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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