I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
