Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
