it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
