i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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