i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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