you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
