with your own penis?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just want nice things and good sex
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
