what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
