around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
