I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize