All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
