omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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