people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
