I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize